Thoughts & updates

Updates:

QTGTAHCW – good and bad on this: I have been eating better – salads at lunch, fruit for snacks, even fruit and yogurt for breakfast, but the weight has gone up. There is a ‘but’ (see later).

Running – I have started back up on this! Yep – I have got out there. Normal runs, intervals (only once though) and a long run (though this was a real struggle so was 5, not 7, miles). I have only 4 weeks to the Roald Dahl Challenge and I haven’t hated the running as much as I thought I would so there is a chance I can put in a reasonable effort for this.

Family –

  • I have spent some time with my Mum recently which has been nice (even winning some prizes in a pub quiz!) and she has just had a promotion at work which is great news as she works so hard and she deserves this.
  • We had a recent trip to the hospital with my Dad (planned check-up) and they are happy that nothing is getting worse (cancer in the liver) and so will maybe up his medication but that is all for now – great news! He has also been really busy with the dog-sitting so this has meant lots of walking and him even reaching his goal weight which is about 20kg lost in 18 months. 14034698_10157107126305012_4759170798095352447_n
  • Amy, my sister, is pregnant again. Due the day after her 30th birthday (Feb) and this will be her fourth child. I have nothing to say on this – there is nothing to say on this.

Work – I have now had it approved that I can take 10% unpaid leave for Sept-Dec, so I will be free every other Friday from early Sept. Most of my brain says not to waste the time and to achieve something with these days, the other bit (the bit that listens to Adam) says that I should use this time for time-out for me. I have worked full-time since November 2006 with no more than one week off work at a time (bar one two-week break in 2010) and I do feel I need a break/some space to think and just breathe. I am not sure these odd days will help with that – I may need something more than that (thinking of a sabbatical next year) but for now this will do. Adam is also trying to get this time off but they don’t have a flexible working policy at his place yet, so it may be a while. I would be much happier if he got the time off too as time spent with him is my happiest time: I feel a bit lost when he isn’t there, even when we are doing separate things. (OK, enough of the gushing…)

 

Thoughts:

Running – 26.2 miles is f***ing far! I did that. I also did an 18-mile and a 20-mile run in my training (along with others) and that is ridiculous!

I haven’t been proud of completing my marathon as I felt it wasn’t good enough. I should have been better. Even now when people ask for the time I did it in, I hold back as I know what is coming – the mental calculation, the realisation of how slow it was and then the attempt to get some encouraging words out. I am not proud of that time, so why should be people be proud of me? CS Photo

But during my run last night, I remembered going out for those long runs, of being less than a mile out and thinking of the route I would take, of breaking it down – only 19 more of these to go, only 18 more of these to go etc., and it suddenly hit me how far those distances are. And I covered them. Not fast, not with great form, not running all the time, but I bloody did it. I got out there and did it. Every weekend I pushed a bit further, and I got to 26.2 miles on that day in May. I should be proud of that. And if I am not happy with it then I should get over it and move on, or fix it.

Running may not be my thing, and maybe that makes it more of an achievement. I should be proud of that marathon and the effort I put in. I hope I can be.

 

Mood: I feel I have been happier these past few weeks. There are always things that get me down, make me low, but I have felt a lot of happiness recently. We had a friend’s wedding last weekend which was beautiful and so much fun, and I did randomly get low/moody during it, but I got over it and had a great time. Maybe the extra vitamins from eating better have improved this, or it could be the sun, some good sleep, or just some pleasant days with people I love – I have no idea, but it is nice.

Adam said to me recently that he thought I may be underlyingly sad and I think this is possibly true. I am not depressed or anything like that (been there, done that)  but I seem to hold this grey-ness inside, a background sadness about things in my life, things with my family, problems at work etc. but I am hoping to shake this off with some time off/finding a new hobby etc. Only time will tell.

My new phone may also be an influence on my happiness – I love it so much! I am not materialistic in anyway, but this phone is wonderful… It has all the apps I would ever want (Android), and some others for fun too, and it takes amazing pictures, and… I just love it. It is not a dark, nice-to-use-but-you-don’t-want-to-use-it Windows phone with the cracked screen, but a shiny, beautiful thing that is a pleasure to use and just brings joy to me. And as Marie Kondo says:
kondo

Oh, yeah, I should also get started with the KonMari stuff…

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