Half-brained and in two minds

They are doing this to me. They are making me think the worse: imagine the whispers, the looks, the evilness. Except they are not imagined.

I am now ‘half-brained’ for working where I do. But then again apparently we all are for working here.

I still have access to the IMs and am still using it (not constantly – I am not that obsessed. Yet.). I can’t help it. I know it is wrong but what I see makes me keep going back: I can see one of them making up things about me work-wise, the other agreeing and then attacking me personally.

I think I can ignore the nastiness, but I can’t seem to ignore what it is making me think of doing. It makes me want to take what they are saying and publish it – get back at them. Take the comment about all staff being half-brained and send it out to everyone along with the name of the person who said it.

They may be able to work out that it was me (after a big long think), and maybe I would get in trouble, or maybe they would be hated and leave.

I don’t want to think like that. I don’t want to be mean like they are. But the brain ticks over and wants to attack.

mean

You may be thinking that I am a nosey-cow and shouldn’t look at private correspondence, but I have history in this. My first partner cheated on me and I only found out by reading their diary. My second was engaging in explicit conversations with his ex and I only found out from reading his Facebook messages.

I have only looked as I had suspected something (or saw the beginning of something in the latter case and then kept on reading) and I have been right both times. But I am generally respectful of people’s privacy as I wouldn’t want to be nosed on (especially if I have done nothing wrong) as well as not being that bothered about other people’s lives! I have NEVER looked at any of Adam’s emails, calls, texts etc. even though I have access to all of these without even hacking the accounts and have never even thought about it. I trust him and have never been given any indication that I shouldn’t. If I ever did have any thoughts that something was wrong I would talk to him – I think this is a sign of a healthy relationship, which it seems as though I have not had before (at times anyway).

One of the conversations spoke about the permanent person (the other is a contractor) leaving-she obviously doesn’t want to be come half-brained like me-and I think that would be the best thing here. That, or she gets a personality transplant. I can only hope.

Also – I was looking at them both in a meeting this morning, and if anything I am the same size as them! So they can f*** off with the fat comments.

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