Musings – discipline

 

regretpain

I can’t remember where I saw this, but it struck a chord with me so I looked it up. I haven’t been disciplined in any aspect of my life (maybe slightly by not pulling out of my driving lessons when I really wanted to) but I haven’t stuck to the training plans I have picked, I haven’t stuck to a diet or plans to get healthier, I haven’t stuck with accountancy which I studied for 4 years. I think I may regret some of this stuff pretty soon. When I am nearer 40 and I have lead a life of being over-weight and unhappy with myself, when I could have just been different, been better and been happier. When Adam is on his 20th marathon and I have just a vague memory of that one time I covered that distance. Of getting close to my wedding day (not anytime yet as no proposal, but one day maybe!) and having to try and crash diet to look the way I want to for that one day.

A number of my friends are on the larger side, and one in particular is always on the diets, at the gym etc. trying to get herself to where she wants to be – looking gorgeous on the beach in a teeny bikini, flashing her new tattoo on holiday next summer. She knows what it is like to have that perfect (for her) body, as she managed to get herself to an ridiculous(for an hour-glass shaped female) size 8 on her wedding day. She had the discipline and she got what she wanted – the dress was actually too big as they said she would never be able to get to a 10 let alone smaller.

The others have all had similar experiences – they were thinner before they had their child, when they were at uni etc. I am not naïve enough to think they were all happy with themselves just because they were thin/thinner, but I have always been on the wrong side of the BMI scale and have never known what it feels like to be like that – to be able to wear what you like, to be able to wear skirts and not get that lovely chub-rub, to just wear skirts and shorts and not worry. To just not have to think about it all the time.

Recently we (read: I) have been talking about taking a sabbatical from work. I have only had one unpaid day from work yet, but the idea of a longer period, of maybe 3-months, gets me thinking about what I could achieve in that time: blitz the house – get it just how we want it, travel somewhere far: New Zealand or Canada maybe, sort out my body – lose the weight due to having time to cook properly, run/cycle, get to the gym, try and work out what I am doing with my life. Sounds good yeah!?

I don’t see why I couldn’t get the time off of work – other people in my department have had them, but when I joked about it at work someone said ‘but you haven’t had the stress that they have had’. Maybe I haven’t, but so what!? I haven’t had a break from school & full-time work (bar holidays) for 26 years, so maybe I just deserve it. It’s not like I would be asking for paid leave or anything, just that they hold my job open for me when I come back…

Ok, just rambling now, but something needs to change. In me. I need to find some discipline.

But for now I will just go back to worrying about my lack of training for tomorrow (Roald Dahl Challenge), looking forward to getting the medal and then crashing with Adam in front of the telly in the afternoon. Plan! 🙂

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One thought on “Musings – discipline

  1. Great thoughtful post. I completly get were you are. Don’t give up 🙂 you only have to find the way that works for you, then it’s a breeze!
    I’ve completely changed everything (life, diet, exercise) and it works if you take it one little change at a time.

    Liked by 1 person

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